Ko Samui – Still at lamai beach

We decided to stay in lamai beach for a few days, even with the issues discussed last time. We are very tired of travelling and need a break, but I already want to move on after two days here; not because it is totally seedy, but because I have the “gypsy curse” and don’t really want to stay in one place to long.

After writing the last blog I was thinking to my self “maybe I am just being a big pussy” and it’s not that bad, but then as we where walking home one of the roads that was dead before, was mental with girly bars. As we where walking some of the girls started shouting at us “come, come”, “massage” etc etc, as we got further down the street a few shouts became a chorus of girly, girls hooting and a hollering at us; it seemed to get louder as my smile got bigger, which I could not help. They could obviously see I was weak in the flesh and they where wearing what reluctance I had to them down; at one point I had to stop my self running away from them. Tom put the issue perfectly “The issue is not that you are weak in the flesh, it is that you are not weak enough” to think it’s okay to go for that kind of bullshit. The worst of the hollering came from Boom-Boom, which sounds like it is straight out of a Vietnam film, except this place is missing the soul-brothers who they find to bookoo (except ne hehe). Moe annoying than the sex hassle, is the tailor hassle: tailors come out of their shops and harass you to buy custom “Armani” suites, which is hilariously annoying.

There are dozens of blokes with Thai girls hanging off of their arms parading around town; I try really hard not to assume the worst i.e she is a hooker and he is a pervert; but it is really hard not to when the dude is 60 odd and the lady is 20. Maybe I am being an asshole and allot of old guys and pervy looking younger ones meet nice Thai ladies here, but I very much doubt its kosher.

We have been out a few times and have managed to sit down and have a beer a couple of times without being harassed to hard, but when we go out I seem to be the one getting the brunt of the attention, which I would love if it was legit. One girl put her hand on the bonnet of a car after Tom walked past and would not let me walk on; it’s not like I can man handle (hahah she could be a man), or shout at a women, that’s why I need to find a girl to do it for me hehe, but none are around here that are not on the clock. I ran away from one without thinking about it on the second day, whch everyone including Tom thought was hilarious, so now I walk on the opposite side of them so Tom can get grabbed at. Being grabbed at by attractive girls is normal PR whilst on holiday, but in Europe being coerced (led by the metaphorical penis) by the ladies into bars is fairly harmless as they simply want you to have a drink, but here it is not harmless at all. There are a few young and old couples here which is really strange, but Tom reckons they booked a cheap holiday and now they are boned and have to stay here; it’s not because they are looking for really bizarre group sex or voyeurism as I immediately thought.

There are way to many solo guys here and none of them talk to each other or us, or make eye contact or acknowledge us in any way; they are either ashamed and do not want to talk about what they are doing here, or think you are one of the perverts and don’t want to know you. There are a few more legitimate tourists here other than the random couples: Mai Thai students. There is a Mai Thai club down the road and we are tempted to go, but from what I saw there training is BS.

We watched a Mai Thai match at one of the bars here, which was weird. They where pulling their punches until the 5th so everyone could enjoy prolonged carnage. They where pretty crappy fighters, but I guess they where the equivalent of a crappy local band at home. Apparently they had lady-boy boxing, but we missed that one; it would have been interesting to see that.

The dogs are proving an issue here at night when they own the streets, but unlike in India, they are all mouth here and leave you alone, so I am not too worried about getting rabies. The people here really love their dogs and most every shop we have been to here and on the mainland has a really cool well groomed dog.

I don’t think I mentioned the Durian King shop we found in Singapore before! For those who don’t know Durian is a really obscure fruit that smells like rotten garbage. I was too much of a pussy to eat it then, but I found Vegan Durian cake here and tried it: it is fucking disgusting; it is quite possibly the most disgusting thing ever. It tastes like a sharp post workout insulin rush sugar, that has a foul shit like taste.

I have not been eating very well at all since leaving India and pot noodle is starting to loose it’s novelty after two months of curry! But that’s ok I can eat my Fried Pea crisps, or when I when I go wild I have my Fried Pea, Shitake Mushroom flavoured crisps 😛 We bought a pot noodle here only to discover it was pot-porridge! How bizarre is that? They have a porridge fetish in Singapore, where they serve Chicken and beef varieties. I am drinking allot of soya milk, which luckily is easy to find here; for some reason allot of it is 1% dairy, which is fucking annoying. I can only drink one type of soya out of eight odd due to the weird milk contamination. We found a health food shop thank god, but they don’t sell Tau-woo (Tofu (Vegetarian is Pak)) but we managed to acquire flax serial to keep our selves fairly healthy; we even have bowls and spoons now! It will be a sad moment when I have to leave mine behind (limited carrying capacity).

The hotel who’s apartments we are renting, some way into the sticks of town has a pool we can use. I did not realise we have not sat by a pool for the entire holiday so far: it was sooo cool, to pretend to be an average non-dirty-hippy-backpacker guy. Speaking if hippies I forgot to mention the Anti-Hippy legislation they have here! No shit seriously, they displayed it when we where entering the country at immigration. There was something about wearing non-offensive silk pants that made me laugh.

I am still having some side effects from our India travels in that every time a taxi comes near us I get stressed out and want to shout at them, plus when we are in shops I dread the moment the shop assistant harasses us, which never happens.

We have spent a hell off allot of money since getting here, so we need to find a place to settle down so we can make our own foods etc. Pre-drinks before going out has helped us save cash, and we even invented a new soya, pineapple and rum cocktail which tastes pretty good; I am thinking of calling it Vegan Bukake or snide-milk and rum; Tom reckons it should be called Same-Same Pina Colada, as it has fake milk (soya) and fake local rum.

They seem to love their crappy scooters here. I was getting really worried on the way in, as I was planning on renting a bike when we settle down. We have gone past many “bike” shops, all of which rent scooters but I keep seeing goro driving Harleys which is even more annoying; it not annoying that they have “real” bikes, but the fact they are riding crappy choppers. I found one shop with a CBR400, which I may end up renting if I can’t find anything better. I have also seen 250cc dirt bikes which could be interesting in the forests. We are definitely going to rent some mountain bikes though.

We are booked here for a couple more days and I am not sure which beach we are going to next, but hopefully one with less girly bars, and normal people for us to talk too.


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